Admitting that hurt deeply, but it was something I was coming to terms with.Īnger, self-loathing, and feelings of inadequacy can make a person hateful. I didn’t inspire men to want to change for me.
Watching Rush abandon his playboy ways for the right woman and seeing his best friend-and my onetime fuck buddy-Grant Carter, turn into the perfect man for his wife, Harlow, hadn’t been easy. I hated that about myself, and I often tried to hide it, but it was getting harder to do that. I wished I weren’t always so needy for affection and attention, but I was. I didn’t trust men, but unfortunately, I needed them in my life. At first, I had thought he was genuinely interested in the answer, but after noticing how often the words hey sweetie and babe flashed across the screen of his phone when we were together, I knew that was all bullshit.Īll men were liars. This was the kind of text I usually got when he was alone and bored. His kindness was getting to me, even though I knew I was nothing more than another girl to him. I thought I was dealing with this reality pretty well, but it was getting harder to keep my heart in check and not fall for his pretty-boy charms. I could tell by the way he responded to my texts if he was with someone else or if he had time for me. He thought I was too stupid to know that when he wasn’t with me, he was usually with someone else, but his acting skills weren’t as foolproof as he thought. He was gorgeous and almost too sweet for me-I usually liked at least a little bit of drama-but what kept him from being too perfect was the fact that he was a player. My phone vibrated in my hand, and I looked down to see Major’s face on the screen. I wasn’t doing a fantastic job of it, but I wasn’t doing too badly, either. I knew it was time that I grew up and fought my own battles. And it was enough for me that he was happy. But now that I was over my jealousy, Rush was back to being my rock. He had always been there for me when I needed him-except for a few times when I was a raging bitch to his wife, Blaire. I held only one man in high regard, and that was my brother, Rush.
This left me with little to no respect for the male species. When they looked at me, they saw “daughter of a rock star” and “money.” Most of them were just hoping I’d get them on the cover of a cheap gossip magazine. I knew it without giving them more than a moment of my time. In my experience, they always wanted something from me, but it was never really me they wanted.
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